Crazy ass diets

So, a group of ladies here at the workplace started going to this health and wellness place after work. I decided I wanted to join up with that, lose some weight, work out, be healthy. You know, all that jazz. Best of all, insurance picks up the majority of the tab, with us only paying the $20 co-pay for each visit, plus the $65 initiation fee.

Sounded good. So, I went on the first day, and it was like going to work! Four people that I knew were right there in the waiting area, either just having gotten there, or getting ready to depart. Great. The workouts were challenging, they said, but you feel better after you're done. Of course, working out is always better when its over.

They didn't mention anything about the crazy food plan.

Okay, so I go through the orientation, hear what I'm going to be doing, do some tests to evaluate my flexibility, and overall fitness. Great. She tells me she wants to see me four times a week. That's $80/wk with my co-pay. I wince, but figure she's more or less a personal trainer and that's pretty cheap for a personal trainer, right?

Then she mentions the detox. I'm figuring that she means detox off sugar since I looooooooove sweets. Love. Detox probably isn't a bad thing in that case. She tells me detox lasts for 41 days. Well, the other ladies at work are on this plan and they aren't dead yet, so I figure it can't be that bad.

And the first week, it isn't that bad. I go for the 4 workouts, love it, and find I can even work around my crazy finals schedule to get it all in.

Then comes week 2. Detox bootcamp.

Saturday and Sunday: Electrolyte drink (which is actually some kind of lemonade and is SUPER yummy) and Chicken broth. Uh huh. That's it.

All day. Both days.

Okay, people go on semi-fasts all the time and don't die. I don't think they're studying for contracts finals at the time, but a couple days of not eating certainly won't kill me. Monday will be here before I know it.

Monday-Friday looks something like this.

Breakfast:
Hot water and lemon calm (their magnesium drink.)
1 peeled apple
1/2 can Glucerna shake over ice
2 8oz. glasses of iced water.

Okay, I'm not a huge breakfast fan anyway, so this doesn't bother me. I'm not really keen on supplementing food with things like magnesium and diabetic shakes, though. This should have been a warning sign. It wasn't. Let's continue:

AM Snack (should be eaten at least 2 hours before lunch)
3oz cup of warm (or hot) organic apple juice
1 banana and 1 fiberwise bar. (another supplement. kind of like the granola bars with a layer of yogurt.)
80z. of water.

Lunch:
1 glass of elecrolyte drink
20oz water
Family size can of Chicken broth or drink.

Hmmmm, lots of water. Lots of peeing...... But, it seems like you're eating all the time, right? I have to say, I wasn't ever hungry on this plan, but.....I think it was all in my head. Moving on:

Snack 2: Should be eaten at least 2 hours after lunch
Green tea with mint (use 6oz. cup)
80z water
10-15 almonds (Dry Almonds; NO smoked or honey roasted)
6oz. warm or hot organic cranberry juice with 50/50 water

Snack 3: Should be eaten at least 2 hours before dinner
1 glass susatin electrolyte drink
5 strawberries + 1 banana
1 cup green tea.

Didn't I just have green tea a few hours ago?! Again, you're eating every five minutes it seems, but nothing really substantial. And I'm drowning by now. But, we're still not done.

Supper: must follow this order
2 glasses of iced water drink before dinner (bold and underline is on my sheet!)
Full plate of steamed vegetables No Potatoes.
8 oz glass of ice water with 1 slice of lemon and 1 slice of lime.

Steamed veggies are okay. Can't really complain about that.

Snack 4: Must be completed before 8pm
One peeled sliced apple
8oz. warm calm (again with the magnesium!)
10-15 almonds.

No food after 8pm.

Now, I followed this pretty strictly (in fact, very strictly) for the first four days. The saturday and sunday regiment, and then Monday and most of Tuesday.....but I had an exam on Tuesday. I didn't get home until nearly 8:45. Wow, did that throw things off. I missed everything after Snack #2. And, of course, I can't eat after 8 on this plan.

Which made me realize that it was crap! I was starving! It doesn't seem so bad when you're eating something all the time, but if you deviate, even a little, it throws the entire thing off. Who lives like this? Really? In 11 days I lost 13 lbs. Tight things aren't tight anymore. Loose things look really sloppy on me now. I don't know where those 13 lbs came from, but they're gone now! But.....this detox thing just was not working out for me. I'm a detox diet dropout. And, I wish I would have done my research on them before I signed up all gung ho for the damn thing! But, that's me. All in now, research later.

Dumbass.